in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
