god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
