I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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