I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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