I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
