If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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