his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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