love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
