i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
is that a dick in a sweater?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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