I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
