At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Hippo gnu deer
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
