i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
