Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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