I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
