dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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