Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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