The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
