I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
