Whod you bang
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
