i just had sex bonerless
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
