then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Define "chronic" masturbator.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
