6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
