Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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