At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
