I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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