so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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