You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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