She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
im six kinds of drunk right now
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
