I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
