i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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