You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
