the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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