dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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