Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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