If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
