Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
