i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Alive.
So much puke
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
