if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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