We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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