okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
