This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
