Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
