Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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