Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
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remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
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I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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