some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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