you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
