I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
drinking out of a sandbucket again
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
