The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
