I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
