No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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