The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
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she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
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I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
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