i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
