Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
