Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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