It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
