That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
