i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
