My balls are so social today.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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