Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
