I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
