I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
