I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
