Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
