ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
