is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.