A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
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I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
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Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"