well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
