is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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