thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
