Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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