I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think I sprained my soul last night
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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