I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
