you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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