"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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