I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
