Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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